Monday, April 30, 2007

i believe i can fly

my ears did hear glorious music this morn. a bird who's chirp was that of a broken record. it struggled. greatly.

i love you dear bird.

also, who doesn't like r. kelly? your mom?

Monday, April 23, 2007

eye m 12345678910u! (get it?)

what if we all started using the phrase, "boom shaka laka laka" a bit more? will we do it?

i'm counting on you! this was the title i made into a mystery joke. funny or not funny?

p.s. my fathor just left a 3 pound slab of costco butter (now mushy) behind the telephone and next to various junk items from the kitchen. (dried up markers, flashlight, cords to who knows what, piles of old mail, etc) funny or not funny?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

popping the question (questioning pop-music)

has anybody ever heard of pop sensation jojo? yes, she is in the hit film aquamarine. yes, she is like 14. yes, she sings horrible teenybopper music.

now one good thing that comes from having a 16 year old brother is that he'll put appalling crap on itunes. and in this case, it does include jojo. one of her songs came up on random play-the song, "too little too late." and about 12 seconds into the song (right before i hit next) she says, "come with me, stay the night." wait. what? you're 14? you wrote this?

ohhhhh like a sleepover party!

Friday, April 20, 2007

oops! he did it again.


those of you who are familiar with the tale of my father and his 'putting things in the freezer' issues i have good news for you! (read my first blog on december 24th if you're lost) there is a short sequel to add on to this! whoo! alright-yeah...uh huh.

today i was craving the remnants of my oreo cheesecake shake. which was put in the.....freezer. yep, you guessed it. you genius. but to my dismay i could not find it! and when i looked up above my head i saw something. this something was sitting on top of the freezer. what oh what could it be?

my shake! completely melted. which means mr. b (my dadio) left it out overnight? again!

because i know this incident will occur again. probably soon. probably tomorrow. i will just say, to be continued....

Thursday, April 19, 2007

why i heart my mummy


mum: "hillery, why is the c-a-t in the house?" shhhhhh, the c-a-t might hear you saying it's name!

mum talking to binford our male dog."hi mister binford daisy!" daisy is our female dog.

turning left at a four-way stop. mum (counting quickly): "1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10!!!" me:"why are you counting?" mum: "oh for fun!"

mum (screaming bloody murder): "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" me (running to see what's going down in the backyard):"what, what's the matter!" mum: "there's a dead bird on the lawn! ohhhhhhh. i don't want to pick it up!" mum grabs a plastic grocery bag. and while carefully scooping up the carcass says to herself, "go janice! go janice! go janice go! you can do it janice!"

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

discovery

discovery #1: today at costco i asked my mother if she would buy me a hot tub. guess what?! she said no.

discovery #2: my five year old neighbor mckenna sells sandwhich bags of candy for 10 cents! cheap!

discovery #3: in the state of utah, birds have the right of way on all highways.

Monday, April 16, 2007

thoughts of marriage

by this title you would expect me to announce a recent proposal or a tender engagement story. you are unfortunately and sorely confused. you see, i'm looking for a husband with an exceptionally cool last name. right now. this is not a joke. here's what i've come up with thus far.

prefered last names:

1) walker- i would name my son jay. (jay walker)
2) rexic- i would name my daughter anna. (anna rexic)
3) tial- i would name my daughter celest. (celest tial)
4) bed- i would name my son goto. (goto bed)
5) showers- i would name my daughter april. (april showers)
6) oli- i would name my daughter ravi. (ravi oli)

find me a husband! quick!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

the future looks good


i hope, wish, and pray i look like this my whole life. that's all.


p.s. someone make me do my homework. pleeeeeease.

these are a few of my favourite things.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

uta- ultra trendy automobile


some of you may enjoy riding your scooters, rollerblades, jumping in your moonboots to school. but me? well i take the bus. as of today. let me tell you folks, it was indeed one wild ride. my reasoning: bus #1: i sit next to a fellow. he's a 1 out of 10 on the attractiveness scale and completely opposite of my style. as a stereotype we'll just call him minkus the nerd. this was one of those moments when you're in dire need of a mute button. he rambled on and on and on and on about how he's terrible at mathematics and how he adored science.

look at me sonny? do i honestly give a rats tail? i politely smiled and avoided continuation of conversation.

you think this is bad? nooooooo. oh no.

the next stop in front of deseret industries a rather frumpy, black-clothed lady hops on the bus. let's call her henrietta. approximately five seconds after she sits down she says to this chap (we'll give him the name louis)-about 40 years old, beside me, note-she doesn't even know him! she's all like, "hey, you like to check girls out at every bus stop." louis says, "no, no, i don't." henrietta's all, "oh yes, at every bus station you stare at all the girls. behind your wife's back! you've probably been videotaped!" and he's like, "i'm not even married! i don't do that stuff!" henrietta laughs, "oh yeah right!" and the bus driver shouts, "hey cut it out! now!"

silence for about 1 minute. next bus stop over by blockbuster video a hispanic lady in her 30's sits in front of henrietta. she'll probably need a name too. let's call her juanita. and apparently juanita knows the bus driver and is having a conversation with her about how she took her car to get fixed at the car dealership and how they didn't clean it up properly.

about 2 minutes into the conversation henrietta yells, "oh shut up! nobody cares about your f***ing problems! nobody cares about your f***ing problems." juanita says, "excuse me! excuse me! i can talk to the bus driver if i want! and look at you! you're eating food on the bus! see that sign over there? it says 'no food'!"

the bus driver says, "ohhhhh. you better not be eating food on the bus!" henrietta quickly puts her food away. the bus driver says, "hey lady, what's your name anyway. i'm going to report you." henrietta shouts, "i don't have to tell you my f***ing name! make me!"

next stop is the university mall. henrietta is forced to take herself and belongings off the bus. the bus driver and louis follow off. all of us passengers are completely shocked. we fill out some complaint cards. about 5 minutes later louis comes back, then following behind, the bus driver. henrietta runs back up to the doors nearly punches the bus driver-but she closed the doors just in time. and henrietta walks towards the mall still looking at bus 830 shouting every swear word in the book.

and a uta bus lady says, "anybody going to uvsc get on the 811" so here we go to the other bus. bus #2. and! minkus is sitting behind me. woo hoo! breathing on the back of my neck. eeeeeeeek. and then a handicapped lady on this bus is shouting at the bus driver because she wants to get off in the middle of a shopping center (not on the bus route) and the driver says, "i'll let you out just past this stop light, okay?" and the crazy lady's all, "nooooo! now! i'm handicapped and this is how you treat me! i'm reporting you!" and the driver pulls over at the next stop and crazy lady's like, "this is where you were talking about? oh! this is great! i'm sorry! thank you, thank you kindly!"

today was awesome.